I turn to you...

When I was in high school the song "I turn to you" by Christina Aguilera reminded me of my mom and I had it as her ringtone for the longest time. This song as well as Celine Dion's "Because you love me" are two songs that through out my life have made me think of my mom! I love her dearly and I wanted to share the songs and lyrics with you.

I Turn To You

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know
I'll find the light to light my way
And when I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy
You can turn it all around and when I'm down you're there
Pushing me to the top
You're always there, giving me all you've got

Chorus:
For a shield from the storm
For a friend
For a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
For everything that's true
I turn to you

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for you
And I can reach the sky again
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me
And when I need a friend
You're always on my side
Giving me faith, taking me through the night.

Chorus

For the arms to be my shelter
Through all the rain
For truth that will never change
For someone to lean on
For a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to...

Chorus

Because you loved me.


For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through
Through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch The sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m greatful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was
Loved by you.

You were my strenght when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me.

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shinning your love Into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faiht ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me.

Thank you Mom, for everything!

A little Halloween...

Yesterday Chloe and I went up to Steven's familys house for dinner and carving pumpkins. It was a lot of fun and Chloe loved playing with her cousins! She also loved playing with the pumpkin guts :D

 "What's in there?"

 Yeah...I cut my hair again...cheesy smile!

This was on the way home, I thought it was pretty cool with the moon and all.

The day my world came crashing down!

I took parts of this from my sister's facebook, but its the whole story of whats going on right now.


My mom has cancer.

What kind or where you ask? She has 5 tumors on her brain, 2 in her lungs, her kidney, and the doctors suspect her bones and blood. They told us 3-4 months.

5 years ago my mom was told that she had kidney cancer. This was based off of one CAT scan. All other tests done at the time didn’t show cancer anywhere else. She was treated and a couple of years ago, she had blood work done and nothing came up on that either. We thought we were in the clear.

In January/February she decided to do some remodel type work on her bedroom. She tore up the carpet and started sanding the wood floor beneath it. The walls had wood paneling on it and we took that off to discover layers of paint and wallpaper. She started scraping that off but found it to be quite the job. My brother assessed the situation and decided to step in. They took down the old wall boards and but up new stuff. The room looks pretty great. However, a few months later, my mom found out she had lead poisoning, we’re assuming from the paint she scraped off the walls as well as the wood flooring she sanded. All summer she has been pretty sick with this. She lost a lot of weight and had no energy. Communicating was frustrating to her because she would lose her train of thought. At some points I was shocked to see that in some ways, she was like a small child. Turns out, she also suffered a stroke.

While receiving medical treatment through all of this, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago, September 16th, that she went into get a heart murmur checked out. The doctor she saw about that was quite alarmed and sent her to the ER. They didn’t see anything bad about the heart murmur, but did a CAT scan, MRI, and who knows what else. They found the tumors on her brain, in her lungs, kidney, etc. Saturday, September 17th, they told us “About 3-4 months.”

What a roller coaster ride it’s been since then, although this past week, things seems to have calmed a bit. She is at home, unable to get out of bed. We have hospice keeping tabs on her. My aunt, my mom’s older sister, has been staying with us helping with her care. My mom tells us, although very limited in being about to communicate, that she wants to live. She wants to fight it. She wants to prove the doctors wrong. So we support that. She always needs to have someone with her, so my sisters and I have been trading times sleeping in the same room and just being with her. My brothers have been great in coming by to be with her and spending time with my dad.
This is why I have come back to Utah. I'm not sure how long I will stay but the time being I am one of the caregivers, I do what needs to be done. I have Chloe with me so at times my ability to do alot has been limited because of caring for Chloe but I have been blessed with babysitters at times, during the day I take care of my mom with my aunt, during the night I turn back into mommy, and sometimes its both parts at the same time for all day.

It's hard to be here and see my mom knowing whats going on in her body, at times I can't breathe because of the overwhelming pain of it all. I dont want to lose my mom, she was been my best friend since before I was born. She is the most amazing woman I know, with unwaivoring faith I hope to have some day. But I know it's not the end, no matter how long she has here, I will see her again. As much as it kills thinking of her dying it hurts more thinking of her in any pain or discomfort, and we have been blessed  with very little pain. Thank You Heavenly Father! She has some really great days and for that I am grateful!

Being away from Steven has been hard especially with everything hitting us down there as well, at times it is hard to think of everything going on and how we are even going to get through it. But my parents taught me well and I will do my best to trust the Lord and rely on him.

Right now I just need some really good friends and alot of prayers. Thank you.

Chloe holding my moms hand. My mom loves when Chloe comes and lays with her or holds her hands, its the cutest thing! Chloe really brightens up the day. She smiles big when Chloe says "Grandma" or "I love you" my mom says it back with a big smile! And my mom's smile lights up the room! Especially when it reaches her eyes. Chloe loves her grandma alot!

My mom at full health, January 1, 2007.

Love you mom!

Chloe turns 2! (where did the time go?!?)

Chloe turned 2 on September 9, 2011 and we had a little family party! With good food, games and presents!

 The cake! Hahaha this was a blast to make, it was supposed to me a butterfly but I messed up so I turned it into a rainbow fish :D So I'm not a perfect mom, cause that means I'm human!

 She LOVES balloons!!

 The birthday girl!

 Playing ring around the rosies!

 Think she's hungry? Na, she just likes playing with balloons!

 Blowing out the candles!

 Pretty Daddy...(I love him)

 The 3 of us...she wanted her cake...who cares about pictures!

  Present time ( it was a good thing I started collecting presents before cause we had no money to get any at the time)

She loves her books!!

 and her sungalsses!

 Don't forget clothes!

I can't believe she went from this...

To this...

So fast! Chloe is my sweet pea and I love her more and more each day, the past two years have flown by and I wouldn't change a thing! She is the most amazing daughter, full of life, energy, enormous amount of love, she cares for everyone and everything, she makes my life full, and I am proud and blessed to be her mother! Love you Chloe Nicole Nelson!!

Picture Catch up

Saying goodbye is always hard and for me highly emotional!!

Shellie, Steven and Mom Nelson!

 Me with Sam, Shellie, Lily, and Mom Nelson :) you cant see it but I was crying!

 Me and Chloe saying goodbye to my older sister Amy! you can kinda see my red eyes.

 Yep...bawling my eyes out!!! Me and My mom!

 Dinner with Cory and Lexi (who are pregnant with a little boy and we are so freaking excited for them!!)

 Our stop in Denver was a great time for the 2 cousins (Chloe and Maddie) to play with(great aunt and grandma) Kay!

 Chloe...always escaping!

 Everytime we go through or visit a city with a Temple I always have to stop and take pictures, this is at the Denver Temple.

 Riding in Uncle Mels Roadster was a blast!!

 Steven was a very happy little boy!!

 Taking breaks along the way was needed! This was in a Volcano!

 Me with my dad at our new place before we took the truck back.

 Our new place! Its a nice place, we really like it!! 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, huge, open floorplans, fireplace...etc. I hope to get pictures up one of these days :)

 Chloe's cubby! Its in the kitchen and all hers! Her favorite place to be, she will eat in there, and when daddy or I am trying to catch up she laughs "hide hide hide" and runs into her cubby, slides to the back and shuts the door, its cute!

 First of September we went up to Lubbock, Tx for my nephews wedding. This is Chloe with "Elmo" or Emily.

 The girls waiting for the couple...

 Now the boys...

 I love taking pictures of the temple!!! Especially at different angles.

 At the reception daddy and Chloe dancing (she is dancing on his feet...talk about precious!)

Now it's my turn to dance on his feet :) I love my hubby!! I love my family!!!